Millie Goes Grocery Shopping
by EvilVashTSClone
Summary: The Trigun gang run out of food...It is up to Millie to get the items they need most to survive on with $$15...Can she do it.
1. It All Started...

DISCLAIMER: Trigun isn't FISHGUTS…it is someone else's...So don't sue FISHGUTS she is poor and could only give you her Vash and Wolfwood toys…wait FISHGUTS doesn't want to give those up she loves them too much…FISHGUTS has no idea of where this came from. FISHGUTS would like to have donuts thrown at her…so you can if you want…or money…either would be nice  
  
Millie Goes Grocery Shopping  
  
By: FISHGUTS  
  
Millie, Meryl, Vash, Knives, Wolfwood, and Legato sat in the kitchen all looked famished. Meryl was beating Vash for, who knew why. Legato was waiting for Knives to command him. Knives was laughing at his brother's pain. Wolfwood was on his third pack of cigarettes. Millie was standing there trying to get Meryl off of Vash, for poor pitiful Vash was beginning to bruise.  
  
"Vash, I am going to friggin' kill you! You ate the last of our food! You idiot!"  
  
"Here, here!" Knives yelled raising his fist into the air.  
  
"Way to go needle-noggin. Now what are we supposed to do?" Wolfwood lit another one of his endless supply of cigarettes.  
  
"Mastah please let me take my hands out of my pockets." Legato said standing there with his hands awkwardly placed in his pockets.  
  
"No. You are freaking me out every time you look at that arm, which once belonged to my wearisome brother."  
  
"I am sorry Mastah; I shall never do that again." Legato bowed to Knives, sort of awkwardly. [you try to bow with your hands in your pockets…you see how it is when you only are able to see out of one eye and have a big sharp pointy shoulder pad thingy on…ok FISHGUTS' presence will now disappear from this fic.]  
  
"You guys stop it!" Millie said pulling Meryl off of Vash, Meryl's arm's swinging. Vash was ducking as Millie lifted Meryl into the air.  
  
"Thanks Millie." Vash said creeping as far away from Meryl as the small enclosed place allowed him.  
  
"Way to go 'Big Girl.'" Wolfwood said taking the last puff from his cigarette. Millie blushed. "Now, about this food problem…"  
  
Meryl crossed her arms; as good as she could, while Millie still held her in the air. "We wouldn't be in this problem if brainless Vash over there wouldn't have eaten all of our food!"  
  
"It isn't my fault! I told you before the donut faeries came to me and told me that they would all go to waste if I didn't eat them." Vash tried for helpless, but Meryl and the others, except Millie, didn't buy it. Knives threw an empty box of donuts at him, Legato spit at him, Wolfwood threw all his cigarette butts at him, and Meryl tried to kick him but was to far away, so she settled for glaring at him.  
  
Vash tucked himself into the corner. "Please don't hurt me! I promise I didn't do it! It was that dumb cat! You know the one that is every where we are, no matter when, where, or why?!" At this point in time Kurenko- sama came sauntered into the room and perched himself on the windowsill.  
  
"Vash! A stupid cat isn't that smart to open up a cabinet that has child proof locks on them and grab the last box of donuts and open the seal perfectly and eat every last crumb," Knives walked over to Vash, who was curled up in the corner, was beginning to get agitated with Vash, "Wait a minute, you aren't smart enough to open those locks either. So maybe you didn't do it, wait what am I saying now? Legato, get over here!"  
  
Legato walked very cautiously over to his 'Mastah' and Vash. "You called for me Mastah?" Legato bowed as he spoke. His one gold colored eye staring at Vash hovering in the corner. Legato looked as if he had a smile on his face.  
  
"Pick him up out of that corner. Make him stand before us all, and jar his memory a bit." Knives' ice blue eyes were cold and had no kindness in them.  
  
"Yes Mastah. As you wish." Legato did as he was told. He took his hands out of his trench coat pockets and grabbed Vash by the collar of his long red coat. Then he stood him up in the middle of the room and smacked him in the head. Vash wobbled to and fro for a few moments.  
  
"Gee thanks that took care of that killer headache from the hangover that I got from drinking the last of Wolfwood's secret sta…" Vash stopped in mid sentence. Wolfwood rose from his seat and calmly walked over to Vash.  
  
"You did what?" Wolfwood looked Vash straight in the eyes. "Don't tell you me that you did what I think you did."  
  
Vash looked for a place to go and hide. "Uh…"  
  
Wolfwood leaped at him. "You are going to pay for that Vash!" Wolfwood took the cigarette from his mouth and ground it into Vash's forehead.  
  
[Eek that would burn sooooo bad…have you ever been burned by one, they kind of hurt. ::people start throwing things at FISHGUTS:: ok ok FISHGUTS leave. FISHGUTS will leave. ::a big cloud of smoke billows around FISHGUTS and FISHGUTS disappears.]  
  
"Stop it! It burns! You're going to scar me! AAGGHH!!" Vash struggled while Wolfwood continued to grind the burning cigarette into Vash's forehead. "If you scar me, all the ladies will laugh at me, I just couldn't handle it if that were to happen." Vash whined some more.  
  
"They do laugh at you, moron." Meryl snorted under her breath.  
  
"Well…you…(::burn, burn::)…should have…(::wince::)…thought…(::grind, grind::)…about that before…(::stab, stab::)…you…(::dig, dig::)…drank my stash!!" Wolfwood had ran out of cigarette before he was finished tormenting Vash. A few pile of ashes lay on Vash's face. Right in the center of his forehead was a large red welp/thing. [FISHGUTS can't think of a good word for that one…Ooops sorry FISHGUTS won't disturd you for a while…but FISHGUTS will be back!]  
  
"Dammit I'm out of a cigarette, why'd you make me waste it on your stupid moronic self!? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to use the lighter instead!" Wolfwood had this crazed look in his eye as he proclaimed the next thing he was going to do to torture Vash. He searched his pockets, his knees were still grinding into Vash's shoulders. Vash tried to wiggle his way out from under Wolfwoods death lock/grip/thingy. "AHA! Here it is, my trusty lighter!" Wolfwood pulled it from his pockets and clicked a button and a large flame appeared. The flame glowed as it grew higher and higher. Wolfwood bagan to lower it towards Vash's yellow blond hair.  
  
"Not the hair! Not fire! It's going to burn even worse than the cigarette! Mommy! Rem! Some one save me! Please! AAHH!!" Vash whined and cried as the flame grew closer to his golden locks of hair.  
  
Vash looked at his brother. Knives was laughing. He was enjoying hisself. What a freak! [Mwa Ha Ha…Torture pure torture…but wait it gets worse much worse…] Knives looked at Vash and smiled. Then out of nowhere he pulled out a donut, but not just any donut, a white powdered donut. This flavor was one of the many favorites of Vash the Stampedes. Vash started to drool over the donut.  
  
"Knives, where did you get that? (::drool, drool::) I thought we were out of food." Vash tried to reach for it, but he was still pinned under Wolfwood's arms.  
  
"Vash, I keep it in my pocket." Knives laughed.  
  
They all looked strangely at Knives. "That's very strange Mr. Knives. I didn't know that little outfit of yours had pockets." Millie said lowering Meryl just a bit.  
  
"Knives, since when did your outfit come equipped with pockets? I didn't know that little skin tight outfit, have pockets on it? Unless…nevermind I don't even want to go there…" Meryl said shaking her head trying to get the thought our of her head, she wanted Vash's body, not Knives…he was just to scary. [mmm…Knives' body…FISHGUTS'll take it! So would everyone else huh? Unless you are a Knives hater, but still his body!? Who would give it up? Not me…Ok FISHGUTS is going again ::flies off into the sky::]  
  
Legato glanced around the room looking for the closest exit, just in case things started to get a little scary.  
  
"It just so happens that I do have pockets." Knives was glowing in his triumph that they were believing him.  
  
"Liar" Legato scoffed. Knives slowly raised his eyes to look at Legato. Legato took a small step towards the only wall with a window.  
  
"What did you just say?" Knives bellowed. Legato went to his knees.  
  
"Forgive me 'Mastah'." Legato said getting closer to the ground.  
  
"AAHH!!" Vash screamed as Wolfwood placed the lighter barely above his hair. Everyone stared at Vash. The golden flame danced over his head. Sparks flew on Vash's hair. "AAHH!! I'm on fire! Save me!" Vash began to squirm trying to do the 'Stop, Drop, and Roll' technique that Rem had taught them on the ship.  
  
Wolfwood got off of Vash and looked down at him. "Serves you right needle- noggin."  
  
Vash sniffled some and then tried to leave the room. He was getting tired of them picking on him. Why was it always him, not anyone else, like Millie, she is very gulible.  
  
[FISHGUTS apologizes to those who like Millie, please don't hurt FISHGUTS or FISHGUTS'll never finish this oh so funny little fic…FISHGUTS snaps FISHGUTS' fingers and goes pop and then disappears.]  
  
…OK FISHGUTS WILL ADD MORE LATER…WHEN SHE HAS SOME MORE TIME…FISHGUTS LIKES THIS LITTLE FICY…PLEASE R&R 


	2. Vash Gets Grounded

Millie Goes Grocery Shopping  
  
By FISHGUTS  
  
"Vash, you are grounded!" Meryl yelled. "Now go to your room and don't come out until we come and get you!" Vash started to walk to his room, his head hung low, kind of like a dog with its tail between its legs, defeat showed in his face. "And no donuts for a week!" Meryl was fuming, her PMS kicking in more than in its normal doses when she got angry at Vash.  
  
"Bye-Bye Mr. Vash!" Millie waved. "Sorry about this." Her childlike attitude showed on her face, just like always, she sort of didn't catch what was going on.  
  
"You'll still pay for that Needle-Noggin." Wolfwood said. He had another cigarette between his lips. His gun was naked in his hand. When did he bring it out? Was he that mad? Vash just hoped he didn't get shot.  
  
"Remember Wolfwood, 'Thou shall not kill.' Remember? You're a priest for cripes sake!" Vash said staring at Wolfwood.  
  
"I remember, but who said I was going to kill you? I'm just going to blow your friggin' leg off, that's all." Now Wolfwood had his cross out, missal shooting side pointed at Vash.  
  
"AAHH!! But, but Wolfwood! I thought we were friends! Doesn't our friendship mean anything to you?" Vash looked pleadingly at Wolfwood.  
  
"I guess it does, without then I wouldn't have any bait to lure out some dumb ass people for target practice." Wolfwood now had his cross pointed at Vash, the machine gun side, and Vash was just a little scared, even the thought of pissing in his pants, to help take away the fear, crossed his mind.  
  
"I'll be going to my room now!" Vash said as he ran out the door and towards his room.  
  
When Vash left the room and they heard his door close Knives looked at Wolfwood and said, "Why didn't you just shoot my ignoramus brother?"  
  
Wolfwood put out his cigarette and slumped against the kitchen counter. "I don't have any bullets." Wolfwood smiled.  
  
"Moron." Meryl said. "I thought you were actually going to shoot him." Meryl sighed now. "Lucky for us he believed you."  
  
"If you needed bullets to shoot Vash, I could have given you some." Knives said pulling out his gun.  
  
"Where the hell do you hide things?" Meryl demanded.  
  
"Do you really want to know?" Knives questioned.  
  
[FISHGUTS does! FISHGUTS does! FISHGUTS really wants to know! Everyone else wants to know too! Ok FISHGUTS is going to leave. ::places 2 fingers on forehead and borrows Goku's technique from DBZ, the instant transmission.]  
  
"Tell us all Knives. Answer the 'age old question' of where you hide things in that little suit." Meryl sighed.  
  
"Ok I will." Knives prepared himself for the long speech ahead of him. He took a deep breath. "I don't feel like it."  
  
Everyone (even the reader) face faults and falls over.  
  
  
  
Ok this is all for now, I'm hungry and need to eat. So bye. 


	3. The No Fun Song...

Millie Goes Grocery Shopping  
  
By: Fishguts  
  
Vash sat alone in his room. The room was as plain as you could get. He had wanted to decorate the room with many different things, but Meryl told him, well more along the lines of yelled at him, that this wasn't their home, that they were only staying there until they saved up more money or Vash's reputation catches up with them. Vash stared out his cell like window. He placed his head in the palm of his hands and leaned on the very small table. "This is no fun, no fun, I'm sick of Meryl's bitching…" He heard Millie laughing out in the kitchen. Then after he whined for just a moment he went back to his little song, chant, thing. "This is no fun, no fun, Legato is a psycho…" He heard Meryl screaming at someone, probably Legato or even his brother Knives. Once again it was back to the song. "This is no fun, no fun, I wish I had some donuts..." He then heard Wolfwood laughing, probably at Vash's poor fate that awaited him. "This is no fun, no fun, Knives is driving me nuts…" At this point in time Knives was ordering someone around then all of a sudden the breaking of something glass was heard. Vash glanced at the door waiting for someone to come to his rescue. "This is no fun, no fun, Wolfwood's gonna pay…" Then Meryl yelled some more. "This is no fun, no fun, Meryl's got some serious PMS…" Vash was getting very bored and very lonely. He didn't like to be excluded from the others. "This is no fun, no fun, I am getting bored…" There was a very long period of silence coming from the other room. "This is no fun, no fun, I wish Meryl would quit yelling at me…" He heard footsteps coming down the hall. He hurried and went and jumped on his bed and sat there staring at the door. Some one knocked on the door. "Come in." Vash said unenthusiastically.  
  
The door opened and Millie stood in its frame. "Mr. Vash. Senpai said you could come out now." She said.  
  
"Really!?" Vash sounded a little more happier. Then he got a scared sort of look on his face. "Uh…Are they going to hurt me?"  
  
Millie looked at him. Her blue eyes gentle and kind. "Of course not Mr. Vash."  
  
Vash let out the breath he had been holding. "So why are they letting me come out?"  
  
Millie smiled. "We are going to discuss the grocery list!"  
  
"The grocery list?" Vash raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Yes. And I suggested that we all add something to the list that we each would like."  
  
Vash was silent. "Uh…Good idea Millie."  
  
"Why thank you Mr. Vash." Her smile was genuine. Then Millie turned to walk out the door. "Are you coming Mr. Vash?"  
  
Vash stood up and headed to the door. "Of course." With that the two walked out of Vash's room and towards the kitchen full of crazy people.  
  
How was that? I don't know…but I do like the little song/chant/thing Vash was saying. Well hope you enjoyed R&R 


	4. The Glaring Battle of the Century

Millie Goes Grocery Shopping IV By Fishguts  
  
Vash and Millie entered the kitchen. Meryl was sitting in a wooden chair. Wolfwood was leaning against his cross smoking one of his many cigarettes. Knives was sitting in "his" chair that no one else could sit in. Legato was hanging from his toes by the ceiling fan all tied up and gagged.  
  
"We're back!" Millie exclaimed.  
  
"What happened here?" Vash asked staring at Legato.  
  
"What do you mean Mr. Vash?" Millie asked, staring blankly at him. She had no clue.  
  
"What do I mean? Look they somehow managed to tie up Legato and gag him." Vash said pointing at Legato.  
  
Legato began to mumble something, but it wasn't comprehendible since he was gagged.  
  
"Oh my." Was all Millie managed to say while she stared.  
  
"So, can someone tell me what I missed?"  
  
Knives exchanged glances with Wolfwood.  
  
"Wolfwood why is your cross uncovered?" Vash asked pointing at what he was talking about but still staring at Legato.  
  
Wolfwood only shrugged and took another puff from his cigarette.  
  
Vash looked at Knives. Knives only stared back with a small smirk on his face.  
  
Vash ignored Knives and looked to Meryl. "What did you.How did you.Why did you." Unable to find the correct words he finally spit out, "What happened?"  
  
Meryl looked at him. "Hmm? Oh, him. Take a guess." Meryl slouched down in her chair arms crossed over her chest.  
  
"Uh.He uh.pissed you off?"  
  
"Something like that."  
  
Knives made one of those cough-laugh sounds. Meryl glared at him, if looks could kill Knives would have died a thousand deaths in that one moment. Knives only glared back thinking to himself that she, Meryl, is one of the vermin, spiders, on of the items on his list to destroy, that he, Knives shall destroy.  
  
"Oh joy, the glaring battle of the century. First one to fall under the others glare looses." Wolfwood scoffed smoking his cigarette.  
  
"It's on!" Meryl exclaimed glaring at Knives who was only glaring back.  
  
They sat there glaring, both had the "go-to-hell" looks.  
  
"Go Senpai you can do it!" Millie cheered on Meryl.  
  
::Mumble, Mumble:: mumbled Legato. He was still gagged and tied from the ceiling.  
  
"What are you mumbling about Legato?" Vash said. Legato moved his head to and fro. "Hold on." Vash yanked the gag out of Legato's mouth.  
  
"Destroy her Mastah!" Legato yelled.  
  
"Screw this!" Wolfwood said taking the gag out of Vash's hands. "I can't take the sound of his gay little voice!" As he said this, Wolfwood stuffed the gag into Legato's mouth.  
  
"So you'd rather hear him mumble?" Vash asked. Wolfwood nodded. "Oh ok."  
  
"Dammit I cannot loose!" Knives screamed at Meryl. "I cannot loose to this vermin." Meryl's vein began to pulse.  
  
"Vermin!? Who the hell are you calling vermin you idiotic wanna-be broom head!" Meryl yelled still glaring at him and vein still pulsing.  
  
Knives gasped at her remark. "How dare you suggest that I, Knives, the destroyer of the human race, want to be like my dimwitted brother, Vash? I laugh in your face."  
  
"Laugh all you want 'broom head', but I won't loose." She smirked at her remarks.  
  
"That's it! You call me 'broom head' one more time and I'm blowing this whole friggin' place up. Only I shall survive! All others shall perish!" Knives now had one of his own veins pulsing and he had formed a twitch.  
  
"Give up.Give up.Give up." Meryl taunted.  
  
"Go Meryl! You can do it!" Millie yelled.  
  
"Uh.Go Meryl!" Vash said. "Sorry Knives, but I'm rooting for Meryl on this one." Knives still glared at Meryl, he was determined that he wasn't going to loose, not to the spider at least.  
  
"Vash, when this is over and I have shown this pathetic human who is supreme, I shall punish you!" Knives' twitch had grown worse.  
  
Meryl glared and Knives glared into the long hours of night. Kuroneko perched himself on top of the fridge for his nightly snooze. Millie had fallen asleep on the floor. Legato was asleep, still tied up and hanging from the ceiling. He had given up on getting free today, maybe tomorrow. No one had listened to his mumbles of pleading.  
  
Wolfwood was still smoking one of his cigarettes. His cross was now covered up in its usual covering.  
  
Vash was whining about not having anything to eat and at how this was all stupid.  
  
Knives' twitch had grown massively causing his head and shoulder to twitch, but he wouldn't let that be his downfall.  
  
Meryl's vein pulsed more and more and her eye had begun to twitch. "Dammit!"  
  
"Loose human!" Knives yelled.  
  
"Never!"  
  
"Will you hurry it up a little here and just loose!?"  
  
"I don't think so!" Meryl said still glaring. She sneakily pulled one of her 50 derringers out from her cape and shot Knives in the leg.  
  
"Holy shit! My leg! You shot me you piece of spider shit!" Knives looked down at his leg, then he stood up and tried to grab Meryl by the throat, but Vash was in-between them both.  
  
"No! Don't kill her! And Meryl why'd you shoot Knives?" Vash was waving his arms about and being beaten by Knives.  
  
"Dammit Vash! You let me kill her, she is nothing but an insect!"  
  
"That's it! I'm going to shoot you again you." Meryl was cut off b/c Vash took her gun. "Dammit Vash! Give it back!"  
  
"No! You're going to shoot Knives! I can't let you shoot my brother."  
  
"So then let me kill her!" Knives said choking Vash.  
  
"No you can't kill her either!" Vash got Knives away from him. "No killing!"  
  
"Dammit that sucks." Knives and Meryl said together.  
  
"Well get over it."  
  
Millie sat up and said, "Boy am I tired."  
  
"Hallelujah, praise the Lord, it's over!"  
  
"Now Knives you see why I rooted for Meryl, she's one scary bitch.  
  
"One what?" Meryl asked her vein and eye still throbbing.  
  
"Uh, way to GO MERYL!! WOO-HOO!! So can we all go to sleep now, it's late and I'm tired and I need a shower."  
  
Knives sniffed the air. Then he grabbed his nose and held his breath. "Damn boy you smell please do us all a favor and use lots of soap!" "Please Vash for the love of all donuts and things that are sacred take a shower and wash that coat while your at it!" Meryl waved the air that was around her.  
  
"But Meryl, how am I supposed to wash it?"  
  
Meryl placed her hand on her forehead. "Well just shower and we'll worry about it tomorrow, because I am tired and I have a throbbing headache!"  
  
"Come to think of it I do to." Knives said rubbing his eyes.  
  
"I think that's because you went hours without blinking."  
  
"Oh shut up."  
  
"Come on Millie and get up, we're all going to bed."  
  
"Hallelujah!" Wolfwood said picking up his cross and walking out of the room.  
  
They all followed Wolfwood out of the room and Vash turned the light out as he left.  
  
Legato hung from the ceiling still gagged and still tied up. 'Curse you all! Just wait until I get down.' ::mumble, mumble, mumble::  
  
Uh.that was strange.and it has been a while since I've wrote this story. what was the matter with me? Oh well Have a nice day and R&R. or else I'll sic Legato on you -_\\ 


End file.
